you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
The air taste purple.
Randomize
