i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
