Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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