Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
