fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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