I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
