wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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