he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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