The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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