I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
