i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I understand Curling. That high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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