i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
