So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
