nut hugger
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
