sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
