Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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