Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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