did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
