i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
