the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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