I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
