If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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