Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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