What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize