well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You made out with two different species that night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
