Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
