there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
