jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
