Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
