he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
