God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
