But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
