yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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