Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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