DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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