i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
