Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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