he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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