Sponge bath it is.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
