your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize