I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
and you fell through a lawn chair
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
