dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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