I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Come see our sink grown plant.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
