I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
