omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
