I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
