she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
