Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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