She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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