I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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