he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
