Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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