you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The police scanner is talking about you again....
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize