Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
