I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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