quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
