My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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