so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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