wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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