Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize