ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i think i just lost a toe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
