After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
