Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
