How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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