oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
