oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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