I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
