they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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