My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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