we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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