party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize