and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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