Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
