I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
