Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
