How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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