i will never coherently bang her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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