I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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