my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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