so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
