I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
