i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
