I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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