I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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