Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
