I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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