I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
