my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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