can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
