she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
