considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
