Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
