im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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