Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Randomize
