Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
