he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
