The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
