the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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