I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
