dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
