I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
