First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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