I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
