Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize