I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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